


Never Stop Running

by klainecreys



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 21:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2203305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klainecreys/pseuds/klainecreys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon wasn’t used to staying in one place or belonging until he met someone who made it easier to settle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Stop Running

It’s the ideology that’s been planted deep into Simon’s being that makes him feel torn. In fact, he’d felt torn between most things all his life but now that the circumstances were more serious, now that he’d gotten a second chance to exist on earth, he tries to act less careless. Before he’d died nothing had mattered to him anymore. Not himself, not his family, not his friends or lovers, nothing at all. His life had been nothing but the endless journey of getting money to pay for things that made him forget his despair. It was sad to think about but it was his past after all, his story which was something he’d come to terms with after he’d risen and been medicated. It was a part of him just like every single scar on his skin was, dark against blue paleness.

There were things he still didn’t think or talk about much though, not even with Kieren. They were distant memories that came to him when he was all alone at night but he could never find the words to say them out loud, couldn’t find the courage to speak and while he admired and loved the strength that Kieren had - he just couldn’t do it. It was as if his throat closed right up whenever he so much but thought about talking and he felt ridiculous. It were only words, only uttered syllables - why was that so difficult for someone as charismatic and well-spoken as he was?

There were things Simon had forgotten about, too or rather pushed far away and out of his mind, out of his life. Things he rather didn’t want to remember. He couldn’t really remember the feeling of getting high anymore, getting away from his life but what he could still feel deep in his soul, deep in his guts was the bitter taste and the never ending ache of having killed someone he loved dearly and the rejection that came with it. Simon had felt out of place most of his life, it was one of the many reasons that made him want to move far far away and run until he couldn’t anymore. Because of that he understood what Kieren went through but sadly he knew that distance didn’t change anything but the scenery.

When Simon had risen he’d been alone, when he’d been medicated he’d been lonely. He’d felt lost, still does every now and then but with Kieren things are easier again even though they confuse him so much more now, make him unreasonable angry and yet their discussions and talks grounded him in a way that made him enjoy to have someone so different and critical in his life. Someone who made him doubt for once but also shook up his foundation.

The only love and respect and sense of family he had found after his second life began was settled deep in what it meant to belong. The Undead Liberation Army had become his new home and it was a place that held brothers and sisters to him who weren’t afraid to touch him, love him and yet he felt alone all over again at times when he got too lost in his head and his silence. It was one of the many reasons that made him love Amy so much, she never failed to snap him out of his misery and he’d never met anyone like her - not in his first and not in his second life. He didn’t blame Kieren though, didn’t hate him for mixing his life and beliefs up like that - in fact he could feel himself fall for him more and more each and every time they met. It was that neverending, twisted mesmerization that kept him connected, that kept him close to Kieren even when he knew he should stop but how could he stop now that it felt so right to kiss and hold the young man while no one but them knew? No one could know - it was their little secret.

 

* * *

 

One thing that Simon would always remember is just how he’d felt when Kieren revealed he’d been all by himself when he’d risen at midnight. It was a sickening mix of pride to have found the one and fear of losing the one he loved and admired, the one that gave him hope. Once more he was running away from himself, he could feel the disappointment and yet it was his only chance or at least it seemed that way.

It was beyond time to make a decision, time to figure out what he really wanted. The respect and admiration he got when he spoke to fellow ULA members, preaching their beliefs or the security and pure joy Kieren gave him whenever he was around. He loved how Kieren made him over think and work for it. It gave him another perspective, one that had seemed lost for too long.

Making a final decision was even harder when he’d been handed over the weapons he was supposed to kill that one person who seemed to like him for all he was despite knowing his past and his present, who didn’t share his beliefs yet respected him. It had scared Simon when he’d felt strong and convinced enough to sacrifice all that for his community just to keep belonging somewhere. Deep down Simon felt like a child. Scared and weak, lost and so small despite his strong, tall and quite daunting appearance. Memories came back to him that night after meeting Julian in the city, they made him shake and break down all over again as if he was coming down from one of his highs and everything seemed to crumble right in front of him. He shivered as he crouched on the floor, the quiet, empty room too loud for him to hear his own thoughts and his mind too full with regret and hatred and pure, honest dismay. This wasn’t all or nothing, this was nothing or nothing. Either way he’d lose something dear to him again.

 

* * *

 

Now that it’s all over, Simon can think clearly again. He isn’t as torn about himself these days despite the fact that he wasn’t ‘Moses’ anymore. He’d become the ULA’s Judas but a hero to his lover’s family. Kieren might not show it with people around but Simon knows that he’s thankful, that he cares and loves and trusts him now but when he asks Simon where he’d been when he’d looked for him everywhere the words are stuck in his throat again. He can’t explain, can’t talk himself out of it and the tragedy that rushes over the two of them too quickly to give them a much needed moment to collect themselves is enough to silence each of them for way too long, leaving too many questions unanswered while they mourn their best friend.

It’s around that time when Simon decides to leave. With Kieren because he feels that need to protect him, owes him that much after having planned to kill again, for a ‘greater good’. He wouldn’t have done it because of that neverending hunger with no control over his primitive instincts this time around and he felt anger boiling deep inside of him when he realized that running seemed once again like the only way out. He doesn’t realize what he really wants until Kieren tells him he doesn’t want to run anymore, that he feels safe and comfortable and who is he to take that away from him? He’s with his family now, they’ve talked about it, about that need to leave and go far, far away to somewhere entirely different, where PDS sufferers weren’t made into slaves and outcasts. They’d painted pictures of a better place with their minds and bodies entangled on Simon’s bed and Simon knows that staying in Roarton is anything but safe, not with the ULA still going strong and knowing about ‘the one’. Not now that he betrayed them.

Then again Simon’s sure that he’d found something new to believe in and maybe even something better. He believes in himself now and that he’s strong enough this time around, that he’d grown as a person and he doesn’t want to leave, not without Kieren and maybe he doesn’t have to - after all it’s been too many years of never facing his fears, maybe now that he got another chance it’s time to live without fear, without escaping like he used to. Kieren makes him believe that maybe this is just what he needs, another new beginning and for a moment Simon wonders if he’ll ever be strong enough to tell Kieren the truth, though he forgets all about it when the younger man rolls his eyes at him and smiles weakly, that smile that only he can see tugging on his pale lips.

**Author's Note:**

> This was the very first thing I wrote for the ITF Fandom so be gentle. :P


End file.
